The Dog That Changed My Life: Marcella And Shimmer
Marcella Ward (above with her dog, Shimmer), is a professional dog trainer and the owner of Dogs Speak Dog Training in Houston, Texas.
A twinkle flashes in Marcella Ward’s eyes, and she hops up from her chair and walks over to the wall behind her where a rack with twenty five name tags hangs beneath a painting of her dog, Shimmer. Knowing each tag’s place by heart, she swiftly grabs one and returns to her chair to show me the tag. She holds it up to the screen for me to see and with a delighted grin on her face, she says, “I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. It goes through the entire beginning cheer and on the back, it says, well, we don't like you either.” These tags haven’t jingled from Shimmer’s collar in over a year now, but it is impossible not to feel Shimmer’s presence and the ripple effects she had on Marcella’s life.
I plead with Marcella to help me understand what made her relationship with Shimmer so special. In that moment I can’t imagine losing the connection I have with my own heart dog, Otis. Her response surprises me.
“What if instead of trying to figure out what is so special about the relationship, we just enjoy the magic of it?” Marcella asks.
What Happened When Marcella First Met Shimmer
Marcella grew up with a family dog and jokes that she was always “that kid” who would rather play with dogs than other children. When Marcella was 14 years old, she went to an adoption event with her mom where they first met Shimmer.
Marcella says that Shimmer feels like happiness and home. She believes that she is a better human being because of this dog.
Marcella remembers feeling an instant connection as she watched that brown dog turn on the charm. When it was time to put Shimmer back, Marcella sobbed and knew this was her dog. “I just remember from the instant we brought her home, I was just in love with her,” Marcella tells me.
Why Taking Shimmer to College Led to Her New Role in Marcella’s Life
In high school, Marcella remembers walking around college fairs, and without a moment’s hesitation, she crossed colleges off her list that wouldn’t allow first year students to live off campus. Going to school without Shimmer was unthinkable.
Marcella went to Texas A&M where she got to live off campus as a freshman and bring Shimmer to school with her. Shimmer and Reveille (above), the college’s mascot, became friends and would chase squirrels together.
“I'd always had struggles in terms of both mental and physical health. I didn't really think about it until I was in college, but then I was like, maybe, she would make a good service dog,” Marcella tells me.
Shimmer was already tasking for Marcella and had basic obedience down, so when Marcella was a sophomore, she decided to see how Shimmer would do in public spaces since service dogs have public access. Shimmer took to it instantly, so at the age of six, Shimmer officially became Marcella’s service dog.
“Did your relationship with Shimmer change at all?” I ask her.
“I think the only change, really, was that it got stronger. She essentially became my heartbeat, my lifeline. She went everywhere. It really just got stronger,” Marcella says.
Shimmer loved to nap - especially if she could find something to serve as a pillow. She loved wearing the “Shim Jammies” that Marcella would put on her to keep her nice and cozy.
More than a Service Dog: The Unusual Way Shimmer Helped Marcella in Organic Chemistry
Marcella tells me that she often asks people who her favorite dog is, and anyone who knows her answers “Shimmer” without a moment’s hesitation. She goes into the sweet dog voice so many of us use and recites what she says to her two border collies, “You’re cute, but you're not the favorite,” as she starts to laugh with her whole body.
Luckily Marcella shared this priceless photo of Shimmer in her O-Chem lab outfit.
Marcella went to college with plans to become a vet. Very matter of factly, she tells me, “Yeah, physics and organic chemistry and I did not get along.” While those classes may have changed her mind about her career path, organic chemistry lab proved to be a highlight for so many people at school. Shimmer went to O-Chem lab each day, and like the humans in the room, she also had to be safe, so she wore a pair of human goggles (doggles were not really a thing at the time), a lab coat, and booties in case of any glass or spills. Marcella gets so excited just thinking about this that she pulls out her phone and starts searching for a photo to show me.
Marcella is right: That dog was meant to be a service dog -- her service dog. When Marcella graduated from college, Shimmer walked the stage with her.
How Shimmer Helped Marcella When She Almost Died
When Marcella was 23, she had a pulmonary embolism and nearly died. She spent six days in the cardiac ICU, and Shimmer was with her for almost every single moment of it. Shimmer didn’t even want to leave her side to eat or go to the bathroom. When people took Shimmer out to go to the bathroom, she would potty quickly and then immediately pull to get back to Marcella. I can feel the amount of gratitude Marcella has in her heart as she tells me, “Shimmer was there for me through some of my darkest times.”
Sixteen months ago at the age of 13, Shimmer died of cancer. “The day I lost Shimmer, I lost a part of who I was. I did. It really did feel like a piece of myself broke off and went with her,” Marcella tells me.
I have done a lot of personal work to remove the shame around my emotions, but at this point listening to Marcella, I start to feel a bit uneasy about being the one with tears in my eyes when she’s the one who lost Shimmer.
She looks straight at me and with kind eyes says, “Believe me when I say you have no worries crying in front of me. If Shimmer's story and the relationship I have help other people feel things, then I'm glad that I can share part of what I felt when I was with her.”
I smile and let the tears come as I accept the generous gift Marcella just offered.
Shimmer would always do a happy twirl and then fold her ears back and smile as she looked up at Marcella after an agility run.
Shimmer’s “Badass” Approach to Beating Cancer
Shimmer was almost 13 when she was diagnosed with cancer. Marcella tells me, “So many people would say it’s ill-advised to put a 13-year-old dog through surgery. I know this probably sounds so goofy to some people. But, I cleared my mind and I told myself I will fight for her… and do whatever I can … but Shimmer has to tell me if she wants to fight.”
Marcella sensed that Shimmer wanted to fight, so she began the process of helping her live. They went back to their alma mater, Texas A&M, for treatment of what doctors thought was sarcoma on her toe. They found out she had high-grade malignant melanoma on her toe as well as a different type of cancer in her chest.
When Marcella was debating treating Shimmer for cancer, she says she told her dog, “‘I will fight for you, I will do whatever I can. But, you have to tell me if you want to.’”
As Marcella spoke, it became clear to me that helping Shimmer live was about so much more than simply helping her survive cancer. It was about giving her more moments of joy. So on Shimmer’s 13th birthday, Marcella threw her a birthday party with some of her favorite people and dogs. Shimmer was a foodie who loved a nice pillow to nap on and was thrilled to open presents on birthdays and Christmas. So for Shimmer, this party hit on all three of those great loves (Marcella jokes that Shimmer just thought the inflatable donut collar was a personal pillow she got to carry around).
Shimmer’s surgery to remove the thymoma in her chest left her with a ten inch scar on her side. While doing some related tests, the vet also discovered that she had some rare liver flukes -- so uncommon that Texas A&M didn’t even have a stool sample from a live dog with them. Marcella got a proud look on her face as she said, “Shimmer's poop sample lives on at Texas A&M at the College of Veterinary Medicine, teaching students about liver flukes.”
When Marcella went to pick Shimmer up from the ICU to go home, Shimmer tried to jump into the car and slipped and fell on her back. In tears, Marcella took her right back into the vet, where they promptly told her that Shimmer was totally fine. “That’s the kind of dog Shimmer was. Badass little dog,” Marcella says.
Marcella speaks fondly of “the extra nine months” she spent with Shimmer following her surgery to remove the cancer. She rattles off memories as her eyes gaze into that distant place where I am certain she is getting to experience the moments all over again: puppuccinos, riding around in the car, ice cream, licking dinner plates. Marcella returns to the present and says, “I think that's what helped give me peace - knowing that we didn't waste a single moment together with the time we were given.”
Shimmer lived for nine more months following that surgery. When Marcella talks about this time, she calls it the “extra nine months” and tells me “every moment was filled with happiness - all of her favorite things and I know we didn’t waste a single moment together.”
Three weeks before Marcella lost Shimmer, she had a friend do a photoshoot with her. Marcella picks her laptop up and moves it to show me a large canvas photo of Shimmer hanging behind her. I see a dog with a massive smile on her face and a literal twinkle in her eye. I notice that I am starting to fall in love with Shimmer too. “This is one of my favorite pictures,” Marcella tells me.
This photo (one of Marcella’s favorites), was taken by one of her friends three weeks before Shimmer passed away.
How Shimmer Told Marcella It Was Her Time
The week before Shimmer died, Marcella sensed that something was off. She sat with Shimmer and had a lot of talks where she said, “Wow, look at this body! It’s taken you so many places.” It is hard to hear those words as anything other than a gift. A part of my mind latches onto them as if she is saying them to me, and I feel an immense amount of gratitude for the person that Shimmer has put in front of me.
Marcella still sleeps next to Shimmer’s blanket and jammies every night, and for just a moment, she will be able to smell Shimmer and feel reassured that she is still a part of her life.
The next morning, Marcella took Shimmer to the emergency vet after she collapsed. Marcella remembered telling the Texas A&M surgeon that she would help Shimmer recover from the cancer surgery but wouldn't ask her to fight beyond that. That day at the emergency vet, Marcella had a split second where she toyed with going back on that promise. Marcella heard Shimmer take a few of those agonal breaths and made one of the most difficult decisions she’s ever had to make -- to help Shimmer go.
“Even in the end, Shimmer and I made this decision together when she helped me make the choice because she chose to stop fighting,” said Marcella.
Shimmer did agility until she was twelve and could rebound off of Marcella until almost the day she died. Marcella smiles and shakes her head as she tells me that Shimmer could jump fully up on top of the counter from a standstill at the age of 13.5. Marcella took great pride in keeping Shimmer in good shape and believes Shimmer handled cancer surgery so well because she was so healthy and happy. “We called her little buff Shimmy,” she tells me.
“Where the heck did that strength come from?” I ask her.
“I think, for me, it was knowing that I was giving her that final gift, and also knowing that if I didn't do that, I'd be going against everything I promised to her,” she explains.
Marcella continues, “For the longest time, I was terrified of death, and, interestingly enough, Shimmer taught me to be okay with it. When it's my time, I have someone waiting for me now, so I'm okay with it. Now I'm okay with death.”
It was just Marcella and her border collie, Vengeance, in the room when Shimmer took her last breath. When they came to wheel Shimmer out after that final goodbye, two of Marcella’s friends who had come for support saw Vengeance boop his nose to Shimmer’s. “I think that was like a rite of passage - ‘Hey, I’m taking care of her now.’ I didn’t see it, but I know it happened,” Marcella tells me and I believe her instantly.
What a Spiritual Communicator Told Marcella About Her Connection with Shimmer
As the one year anniversary of Shimmer’s death was approaching, a friend of Marcella’s recommended she speak with a spiritual communicator. She quickly adds, “As much as I know that, we, as trainers, are all about science-based, I do believe that there are things that we don't know. Things that we may not have discovered yet.”
“It was incredible. [The communicator] basically told me Shimmer was and is my twin flame - two souls that are so connected that they are meant to find each other and they will always find each other. She said that through all the different lifetimes I've had, I've always had Shimmer with me, and that before I came into this lifetime, Shimmer's soul and my soul decided what lessons I would learn in this lifetime. She shared that Shimmer said she will come be with me again in this lifetime. It may not be right now, but she will. I do feel her everywhere around me,” Marcella says with a deep knowing.
I have never been someone who believes in reincarnation, but I am someone who rules very few things out. And regardless of what I believe, I can feel my whole body fill with warmth at the thought of a twin flame. Perhaps that is why some of these connections we have with dogs feel so magical -- they are soul connections. They aren’t rooted in intellectual conversations or status; they are two souls finding each other.
“She’s always with me,” Marcella tells me. She has Shimmer’s actual paw print tattooed on her arm, has Shimmer art all over her walls, and puts Shimmer’s old collar tags on her keychains.
How Shimmer’s Pure Joy Inspires Marcella
As Marcella reaches for memories of Shimmer, it becomes clear to me that she is remembering so many of life’s simple little moments. She is reveling in all of the “naughty” things she did like stealing the tuna right off her mom’s salad and smiling at the way Shimmer would grab one of Marcella’s shoes to snuggle with. Marcella is proving how much magic exists in life with dogs.
“When you walk by the pictures and the things remind you of her, do you feel joy or does grief hit you sometimes?” I ask her.
“Joy. I would say more joy than anything. There are moments where I do still have grief, where it hits me for just a second, and I just think how unfair the world is, because if she could have lived forever, that would have just been perfect,” she responds.
Even though Shimmer is no longer with her in the same way, it is Shimmer who helps her through her grief and struggles. She looks to how Shimmer dealt with cancer as a reminder that sometimes we just have to go through things. “I think that also helped model, despite what I'm going through, I can still find joy in things, I can still move forward,” she tells me.
Marcella tells me that she owes almost everything she is to Shimmer. She pauses for a moment and then admits that a piece of her left when Shimmer died. Shimmer was with her through so many of her biggest life moments: graduating high school, going to college, graduating college, nearly dying, and starting and growing her own dog training business. It is impossible to talk to Marcella and not see how Shimmer shaped her into who she is today. “Losing that special heart dog changes us as a person, but we become more of the person that we're meant to be in that journey,” she said.
If you look at the logo for Marcella’s dog training business, Dogs Speak Dog Training, you will see Shimmer and her current service dog, Vengeance. And when people ask her to send her professional photos for various higher profile dog training opportunities, she sends a photo of herself with Shimmer “because that dog got everything started.”
When we wrap up, Marcella looks at me and says, “Well, I don’t know how you feel about this, but I feel like I’ve gained a new friend.” I smile because it feels like I have gained two: Marcella and Shimmer. Their connection was so strong that I feel certain that a part of Shimmer lives on through Marcella. I leave feeling grateful for all the ways that their relationship continues to create waves of connection in a world so often determined to make us all feel disconnected.
To follow Marcella’s life with her two border collies, Vengeance and Fibonacci, while training other dogs, click here.
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