How Dog Training Made My Partner an Even Better Dad

For me, dog training has always felt much bigger than training dogs. We have an opportunity to listen and connect with another species, AND we get to learn more about how behavior works on this planet in the process. It’s been fun for me to see how my behavior seems to have impacted those around me - namely my partner, Ben. Ben is not a dog trainer, and I don’t actually spend my personal time lecturing him on the science of behavior. I do talk about it in passing or when I’m asking him to change something he’s doing with the dogs. Over time, it seems to have shifted how he moves through the world. For fun this week, I’m sharing two cute moments that I think are a great reminder that HOW you choose to train your dog matters. People are watching and your behavior may end up influencing theirs. 

Story One: The Curious Case of The Cloth Diapers and ‘Lazy’ Parents

When I was pregnant, Ben and I looked into cloth diapers in an effort to be more sustainable. Ben was researching companies that could help wash them to reduce the workload on us, and in his research, stumbled upon a page that basically explained the whole cloth diaper landscape today. As it turns out, few of the companies we were looking for remain in business, and the author said it was because “people these days are too lazy” as an explanation for why there is less demand for cloth diaper related services. When Ben relayed this info to me, he said, “It is not fair of the author to call everyone lazy. He didn’t even consider why people might not be using cloth diapers these days. The environment we exist in is so different from generations past, and that’s a much better explanation than just saying people are lazy.” I looked at him, and said, “Wow, am I grateful to get to parent with you.” He was right. We explain behavior by looking to the environment.

Story Two: Why the Way You Pick up Your Baby Matters 

Just the other day I was sitting on the couch with our baby in my lap, and I asked Ben to come grab him and change his diaper. Ben scooped him up and our son immediately started sobbing. Ben turned right around and handed him back to me. The baby stopped crying immediately but Ben waited a couple of minutes and then tried again to pick him up. This time he said ourson’s name and asked him if he wanted to be picked up as he extended his arms. Ben stood patiently while our son looked at his hands for about five seconds. Then our son reached over to Ben asking to be picked up. Ben scooped him up and off they went - a smile on our son’s face. This interaction made me so happy. He listened to ourbaby’s cry right away. “No” was an acceptable answer. He later told me that he messed up by scooping him up from behind without any notice or assent. He adjusted by giving the baby some time with me (smart setup on his part). Then he switched his approach to make it more collaborative. He gave our son an opportunity to say yes or no, and he got a yes. Ben did this so fluently - it put a big smile on my face. 

So all of this is to say that I think yall are doing a great job. How you train matters for your dog, and you may be surprised to find out how much broader your impact may be … !