The Dog That Gave Me a Reason to Live: Chris and Vincent

Chris, a transgender queer male in his early twenties, sits with his rescue Pitbull, Vincent, on their couch.

Editor’s Note: Earlier this month it was Transgender Awareness Week which culminated in the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Lauren (@empath_n_drake), a member of our #TOCFam, introduced us to her openly trans friend, Chris (@straydoglife), who also has a reactive dog named, Vincent (@littlebuddyvincent). Chris graciously agreed to sit down for a q&a and we are honored to share his story with you all. (Warning: This content mentions suicide, anorexia, and depression.)

Would you please introduce yourself and tell us a bit about your story (you can share whatever you want to share about yourself)?

My name is Christopher, or Chris for short, and I am a transgender queer male in my early twenties. I came out when I was 16, and it was a hard transition for everybody. Vincent always seemed to recognize me and my voice, no matter how much I changed. I am called his "papa" and he actually responds to that word and looks around for me. I study psychology at university, and I love all dogs very much! I am passionate about helping others because I have been through a lot of mental health struggles. I am passionate about reactive dogs because it is a community that needs a lot of support and has been so welcoming to Vincent and me.

When did you get Vincent?

Seven years ago! I was 16 at the time.

“I picked Vincent because he was the most energetic and felt drawn towards him. I fell in love with him the first time I held him” Chris told TOC.

How did you and Vincent “meet?”

He was in a litter with his siblings at a farmer's market - all his siblings were sleeping and he was being rowdy. My mom wanted me to pick a female dog, but I always wanted a male dog. I picked him up, and he calmed down in my arms immediately. We didn't find out his breed until way later because the farmer's market was pretty shady. We didn't even plan to get a puppy that day, we were just buying peaches, but I saw puppies and I wanted to look at them because I love dogs. My mom asked me, "Do you want one?" and I said yes. So she told me to pick, and I picked Vincent because he was the most energetic and felt drawn towards him. I fell in love with him the first time I held him.

What did bringing Vincent into your life mean to you?

“In this photo Vincent was about one year old and I was holding and kissing him. I was early in my transition” Chris said.

Vincent gave me a reason to live and recover from my mental illnesses. Before Vincent, I was in and out of the hospital for being suicidal among other things. I was struggling to get out of bed every day and wasn't eating. When I got Vincent, I wanted to take care of him the best I could. I got out of bed. I played with him, fed him, and he slept in my bed with me every night because he hated being alone. Eventually, for my own mental health, I decided to move out of my mom's [house]. It was hard because I couldn't take Vincent with me. Eventually I got my own place and he lived with me for a year, …and people would yell at us and threaten us because he was a pitbull. I eventually made the decision to send him back to my mom's, where he could feel safe, as he had become reactive from the stress of living with me. Without Vincent, I spiraled into anorexia. I went into the hospital and got treatment. On my hardest days, I looked at my planner which had a photo if him on it. It said below, "Do it for him." So I worked my hardest and now my mental health is much better, and I am in remission from anorexia. Whenever I think about relapsing or suicide, I think of him and I decide to go on. Whenever I think about giving up in school, I think of him and how I want a career so I can get a house for him to live with me again. Vincent seems happier and less stressed at my mom's, and honestly I didn't have the money or time to take care of him properly, so I let him stay there. I visit him every Sunday, for his birthday, and holidays.

What are some of your favorite things to do with Vincent?

We love to cuddle, take naps together, and play with his toys. It is the best when he is relaxing, and I am relaxing, and we can enjoy each other's company. He loves to give kisses and lets me kiss his forehead. Every time I come to visit, he [puts] out his paws on me and stays there "hugging" me for a long time. When Vincent is at ease, I am at ease.

How has Vincent’s journey with reactivity impacted your life?

“Vincent is a good boy and enjoys taking treats from his muzzle. He is still working on his reactivity, but recently people outside said what a good boy he was. That made me really happy,” Chris told TOC.

It was really hard. The reason he is reactive was because of the neighborhood we lived in when he lived with me, so I always feel bad about that. He was under a lot of stress to protect me. I didn't do anything about his reactivity for a while, until I found supportive groups online for reactive dogs. I learned how to train him, how to properly muzzle him, and he is making great progress. I hope he inspires other dogs out there who have fear-based reactivity. I used to feel anxious when walking him, but I don't anymore now that he has a muzzle. I don't care what other people think, I am focused on making him comfortable on his walks. When he reacts, I try to gently lead him back to me with treats and tell him to lay down. One day a dog was off leash (illegally) and ran up to Vincent on a day he was not muzzled. Vincent bit the other dog. The owner said it was her fault, but when I got home I cried because I knew if he did it to someone else he could seriously hurt them and he could be put down. So he has been muzzled every walk since. He's a good boy and enjoys taking treats from his muzzle. He is still working on his reactivity, but recently people outside said what a good boy he was. That made me really happy.

When I am with Vincent, I feel_________. (Please fill in the blank and feel free to elaborate.)

Happy. For me, that's a big thing. I've dealt with chronic depression with major depressive episodes. Happiness was not something I felt for a long time. However, whenever I am with Vincent, I am truly happy. I cherish those moments, and they have gotten me through hard times.

Would you be willing to share a specific memory you have of Vincent?

A fond memory I have is a simple one that I think about a lot to calm down, it is my "happy place." I have narcolepsy, so I take scheduled naps on my mom's couch. He got used to the timing. Eventually, he would always take my naps with me. My fondest memory is him sleeping in the crook of my legs, warm and snoring. I would fall asleep happy knowing we were safe and he was there.

What are some of the ways you take care of yourself?

On my main instagram, I talk a lot about my experiences with mental health, and that helps me be solid in my recovery. I also draw to vent out feelings, as this has worked since I was little. I make sure to nourish myself properly, get plenty of rest, and try to be compassionate with myself. I take care of myself because I know Vincent would be sad if I didn't.

What are some of your hopes for the future?

I hope to get my masters in counseling psychology, get a stable job, and a house where Vincent can live with me again. However, that might take a while, so I am just hoping either with me or my mom he is comfortable and happy until his last days. I hope he continues to make progress in his reactivity, so he can be seen as the good boy he really is and not just a dangerous pitbull.

Any recent book recommendations?

“The Book Thief” was a book I really liked when I had the time to read for pleasure. These days I usually read manga, so I would recommend “Pandora Hearts” as a manga series. I read it since it came out, and it is my favorite and has beautiful art.

What song makes you want to sing along every time you hear it?

Como La Flor by Selena. My mom would sing this with me while I was growing up. I finally understand what the Spanish words mean, and it is quite sad. However, I feel happy singing in Spanish with my mom.

Is there anything else you want to share with us?

It is hard having a reactive dog. It is hard having a breed that is stigmatized. However, you can prove people wrong. You can show them your dog is not dangerous, just scared. You can show them your dog is good, no matter what breed, no matter if they wear a muzzle, no matter if they are reactive. Don't give up, it takes time, but it gets better.

To follow Chris’s life with Vincent, click here.

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